Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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