i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
