Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
