I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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