doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
