dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
