2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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