Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
