was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize