I got chris browned last night
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
