Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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