he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
