she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
