I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
