is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize