I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is Oprah even human
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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