They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
