Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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