I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
