either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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