she smelled like a LAN party
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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