Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
