Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
