Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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