She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
