Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
