I'm lost and stupid without you.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
