don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's blow job season.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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