She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
