Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
