wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
