The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
