I wish I could punch you in the face.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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