apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
