Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
