I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
