put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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