If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize