What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
