All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
