I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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