every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
