if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
