Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
