Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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