Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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