i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
