this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i came on her dog
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize