two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
