I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
