i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
