Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Couch. On fire.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
