I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
