i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize