Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize