She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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