dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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