I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
