this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
