Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
