Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize