I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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