i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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