Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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