Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
