We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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